Birthday Wishes and a Call for Help!

So, my Gemini roots will be celebrating in a matter of days.  Yes, it's that glorious time of year when I embrace the fact that I'm moving toward the elderly end of the spectrum (and a reminder that I've yet to find a pharmaceutical fountain of youth).  Okay, forget the flowery chatter - it's my birthday!

Last year at this time something glorious happened.  I found out that I was going to be published through Eraserhead Press.  In fact, recently, I sent a "commemorative" email to editor Kevin Donihe, just thanking him, once again, for the opportunity.  This year, as the day approaches, I've had "Naked Metamorphosis" out in print for 8 months.  8!  Can you believe that?  Well, it's true.

This time around, I'm not celebrating the fact that I will be published.  I'm celebrating the fact that I am published.  It's a glorious feeling.  And, this year, I really want your help.  A few people have done the obligatory: "What do you want for your birthday?"  My typical response is: "Just gather, drink, and have a grand ol' time."  This year I have an answer; I have an actual birthday wish.

My exodus from the womb occurred 9 days from now.  And between now and then (ah, hell, through the first two weeks of June), all I want for my birthday is to sell some books.  See, the goings been pretty slim here lately.  Why?  Well, as most of you know I've been working on "The Authors Speak" (http://www.theauthorsspeak.com/), which is great.  Work's been good, but good translates to busy.  And, I've probably not been carrying the promotions torch as high as it should be held.  I've also been dreading sounding too whorish online, consistently begging people to buy a copy of my book.

These first two weeks of my birthday month, I am asking for help.  Please, if you've not purchased a copy of "Naked Metamorphosis, do so.  It's $10, and that's a heck of a low price for a gift (unless you're unemployed, which I totally understand).  You can purchase it at amazon.com.  Just use this link: http://www.amazon.com/Naked-Metamorphosis-Eric-Mays/dp/1933929901/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1275391570&sr=8-1.  If you've already purchased a copy for yourself, perhaps considering purchasing a gift copy for someone, or buying a copy for your local library.  If you'd like it signed or personalized, let me know.  I'll cover your shipping.

If you have purchased a copy, but haven't posted an Amazon review, please help a brother out and post a review.  I assure you it's rare that I get so down in the dumps that I need to re-read every good word said about the book.  Reviews are just a great way to cultivate sales from unknowns.  It really, really helps.

If you've done one or both of the afforementioned steps, it would be huge just to recommend the book to someone.  Pestering works, too, though it is a way to annoy and ostracize those you know.  So, be gentle.  But make your point loud and clear...

Exciting things are happening.  Recently the book has made the rounds to many, many minds.  Some were eager to read it prior to its release (for a blurb) and are just now getting to it.  Some are new friends and acquaintences.  Mary Roach has a copy (supposedly to read when she travels to Italy next month).  James Morrow's read his copy on the train back from Floriday to State College.  There's an electronic copy with Stana Katic (the actress that plays Kate Beckett on "Castle").  It's out there.  It's been well received.  I just need a little extra push.

This time next year, I'd like to celebrate a new book.  With a push like this, I hope that will be possible.  Can you guys help make a birthday wish come true?

Thanks...and happy birthday to me.  Cake and ice cream served in the lounge.

Hamlet, Prince of Denmark, versus Aliens from Outer Space

CLICK THE PICTURE TO ENLARGE. It's totally worth it...especially to see Polonius as Dick Cheney!

In the 60's and 70's crossovers were all the rage in popculture. The Harlem Globetrotters, The Addams Family and numerous others were always making cameos on "Scooby Doo". Likewise, many series employed the crossover to garner ratings. So, it's not really all that original, but it worked then and a couple of authors feel it can work now.

In "Naked Metamorphosis", I tried to imagine Shakespeare's "Hamlet" if it were retold by Franz Kafka, and then that version was toyed with by William S. Burroughs. Thus far, I've been told it worked to hilarious ends.

In "Carnageland", David Barbee indulged in his juvenile, gaming, A-D-D antics and told the tale of an alien set on destroying everything in its path.

Initially I thought there was no way to merge these two into an alternate tale. Little did I know, author David Barbee had a few tricks up his sleeve. In order to achieve this vision, David Barbee took the Hamlet retold by two authors and added his own touches. Well, shit, I thought. Now what have I gotten into?

David Barbee and I decided to use this bizarro set-up as a little experiment. Okay, I conceded, let's do it and see what happens.

April 23rd is Shakespeare Day - it's the day that commemorates William Shakespeare's death. To that end, I'm trying to outsell Hamlet on that day. So, buy a copy, will ya? And while you're there, you should probably try to snag a copy of "Carnageland" so you'll at least have an inkling at what sort of insanity you're getting yourself into.

Naked Metamorphosis: http://www.amazon.com/Naked-Metamorphosis-Eric-Mays/dp/1933929901/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1256933074&sr=8-1

Carnageland: http://www.amazon.com/Carnageland-David-W-Barbee/dp/1933929952/ref=pd_sim_b_2

I posted a bracket here a week back where Barbee's characters are pitted against Shakespeare's characters. And, I've even devised a little story that sort of merges these two tales. It works, hopefully, to hilarious ends once again. I mean, just look at the original artwork above for these two! God, this could actually be good.

On April 23rd check back to find out the first round winners! There are surprises aplenty. Trust me.

Eric

The Author Speaks: Jordan Krall

There are authors that are capable of juggling so many different styles and coming out of each smelling like roses and there are some authors that just plain suck at it. Elmore Leonard writes westerns and hard crime mysteries, both in a seemingly appropriate voice. He’s even dabbled in merging those two somewhere in between (“The Hot Kid” is a good example of this). For a long time Stephen King has ventured from hard horror into the dramatic and back. Some of the failures, however, would be James Patterson and Michael Crichton (sorry, Mikie, I know you’re flying with angels [or suspended in a cloud of nanobites] but your pirate novel sucked).

When I first read “Piecemeal June” by Jordan Krall, I thought I’d found an author with a truly unique voice. I’d no idea how unique. “Piecemeal June” is a tale that dabbles in a macabre world where a man, living above an adult novelty store, assembles a living, breathing sex doll. The concept, I felt, was a little reaching and the story is definitely in the crags and caverns of bizarro. But, the concept alone was what interested me; the story and the writing are what captured me.

Shortly after, “Squid Pulp Blues” was released by Eraserhead Press. I’m famously pro-novel, anti-novella, so I was elated to see that “Squid Pulp Blues” was a full length collection (3-novellas all set in the same seedy world). Upon examining the cover of the new Jordan Krall book – that sinister looking squid-man holding a gun and trying to pass itself off as Bogie in a Raymond Chandler story – I was salivating at enjoying another horror tale. What I got was a gritty crime tale (ala Elmore Leonard) and I was not in the least disappointed. In fact, I was blown away and thought that this book was infinitely better than “Piecemeal June”.

In “Fistful of Feet”, Jordan tackles the Spaghetti Western genre and, once again, rises to the challenge. His knowledge of the styles he chooses to write in are well learned. Jordan Krall is also an amazing author to read, as you can truly see the evolution of a literary talent. Now, he's working to get "Fistful of Feet" to be the #1 bestselling western of all time!

I’ve spoken to Jordan on a few occasions and there’s always a consistency: Jordan will talk about a wide variety of subjects that are near and dear to him. There aren’t too many authors who can shift gears from Will Smith the “actor” to flying underwear and tie it all into the mythology of the Karate Kid with ease.

I had the pleasure of interviewing Jordan Krall this week, in celebration of his “Bizarro Spaghetti Dinner” on April 16th, 2010. Find out more about that here: www.filmynoir.com

Eric Mays: Jordan, I'm going to get to the important questions first and foremost. You seem to have a thing for squid - not just in "Squid Pulp Blues", but also in "Fistful of Feet" and "Piecemeal June". Why squid? Do you enjoy fresh calamari or loathe it? Did you have a childhood experience? Is it part of your sideshow act?

Jordan Krall: I’m not sure where it started. The first appearance of my obsession with squid is in my novella KING SCRATCH which was written before any of my other books but will be published this summer. I actually dislike seafood and have a strong aversion to even the smell of it. But it’s a love/hate thing because I’m fascinated by sea life especially squid and spider crabs. And in a way, I want to like seafood.. if that makes any sense at all.

EM: "Fistful of Feet" pays homage to the Spaghetti Western and Giallo films. What compelled you to write a novel playing by the rules of these genres?

JK: With Fistful of Feet, I played by the rules but I wasn’t too conscious of it. A lot of it just came naturally. Anyone who knows me even a little bit knows I love movies and those are two of my favorite genres. There’s just something about the Spaghetti Western that’s special. I think part of the reason why I’m attracted to them is because it reminds me of my grandfather. Giallo movies are just so cool, many being sleazy murder mysteries. That’s what a lot of the American slasher movies are missing: a good mystery. But it’s more than just that. Just think of the cool seventies music, the black leather gloves, the razors, the red herrings.

EM: Was it hard incorporating these two together?

JK: Not really because in my mind, those seem so compatible. It also helps that my favorite films from those genres came from the same country and approximate time period. All of those genre devices are already in my head anyway. You don’t even want to know how often I think about killers in black gloves.

EM: Your main character is Calamaro, from New Jersey. Stephen King once said that he pictured his gunslinger, Roland, as Clint Eastwood. Who were you channeling when you designed Calamaro?

JK: I actually didn’t picture him as any real person. I believe that if I did that, I might have him start acting like that actor instead of my own creation. I did pattern some of his personality after various tough-guy characters but it wasn’t a major aspect of my writing Calamaro. He was his own man, so to speak.

EM: I know that you're a bit of a film buff. When most people think of Spaghetti Westerns they gravitate towards early Clint Eastwood and Sergio Leone's work. What are some of your favorites within the genre? I'm assuming "Django" is there.

JK: Oh yeah, the Sergio Leone films and “Django” are obvious favorites. Other than that: The Big Gundown, Sabata, the Sartana films, Cut Throats Nine, Death Rides a Horse, and Companeros.

EM: Does the western genre still garner the interest it used to?

JK: No. If you just look at the late 1950s through the late 1960s, Westerns were more popular than vampire novels are now. There were dozens of western shows, hundreds of movies (not even counting the ones coming out of Europe), and novels. Now, there are western movies here and there but not the deluge that appeared decades ago. Personally, I love old westerns. But the last good western was “Open Range” with Kevin Costner. Not as good as Eastwood’s “Unforgiven”, but it was definitely a breath of fresh air.

EM: What are some of your other influential favorite films?

JK: How long do you want this interview to be? (haha!) Let’s see. Other than Spaghetti Westerns and Giallo….Halloween III: Season of the Witch, Lost Highway, scores of Charles Bronson movies but especially Mr. Majestyk, Pulp Fiction, Suspiria, Road to Perdition, Hardcore (with George C. Scott), Rolling Thunder, Blast of Silence, The Asphalt Jungle, Killer’s Kiss, Flaming Creatures, Messiah of Evil, Eraserhead, Hitchcock films, Last Man on Earth, Gleaming the Cube, The Holy Mountain, Videodrome, lots of film noir flicks, films by Andy Milligan, and every single film starring Ginger Rogers.

EM: I’ve heard that you're a fan of "Karate Kid". Which is the best of the movies?

JK: “Karate Kid Part 3”. Don’t scoff. It’s an over-the-top film that is bound to be a cult classic in twenty or thirty years. It pretty much has the same formula as the first but it trumps it by the brilliant performance by Thomas Ian Griffith as Terry Silver, president of Dynatox Industries. Griffith is simply awesome in that role. The dialogue is quotable beyond belief (much of it coming from Griffith’s character). And let’s be clear: there are only THREE Karate Kid movies and they all star Ralph Macchio.

EM: Are you looking forward to the reboot?

JK: In the words of “actor” Will Smith: “Aww, hell no”. Will Smith is pissing on the grave of Pat Morita. What a self-indulgent piece of masturbatory “cinema” it is. Casting your own son as the underdog who triumphs over bullies? Transparent beyond belief, trying to make his son an icon like Daniel Laruso. Give me a break. Don’t destroy a fucking classic in the process of trying to make your son successful. I’ll probably see the movie, though, tomatoes in hand. Of course, I’m not above swallowing my words. If it’s good, I’ll say so. However, it will never compare to the original KK trilogy. (again: note I said TRILOGY).

EM: Getting back to your writing…do you think "Fistful of Feet" will serve one day as a cautionary tale against unprotected sex and sexually transmitted diseases?

JK: I thought of it more as a “How-To” guide.

EM: You've mentioned before that you're a pretty big fan of Elmore Leonard. I can definitely see some influences of that in both "Squid Pulp Blues" and "Fistful of Feet". So, Elmore the western writer or Elmore the crime hound?

JK: Leonard’s crime fiction is my favorite. His westerns are good but you can tell he’s more comfortable writing about modern scumbags.

EM: “Piecemeal June” felt a little more horror than the last two books you've written. Are you a fan of the horror genre?

JK: Yeah, there was a good chance that I would’ve been a horror novelist if I didn’t decide to indulge my interest in weird/bizarro fiction. Horror has always been the genre I gravitate to ever since I was a kid.

EM: Any plans on returning to the genre of "things bumping (and grinding) in the night"?

JK: Yeah, I’m actually in the process of writing two hardcore horror novellas but they will definitely have a bizarro slant to them.

EM: Boxers or briefs, Jordan? And yes, you're welcome for the non-sequitar.

JK: Briefs. Though for a long time I wore boxers. But before that, briefs. And when I was in fourth grade I had a dream about flying underwear.

EM: In the back of "Fistful of Feet" you reference your wife, your stepdaughter, and your son. It's got to be crazy juggling writing, your day job, and the family life! How do you do it?

JK: It’s difficult and I’m sure I don’t write as much as my peers. Even though I wish to be successful in my writing, I have no intention of neglecting my family in order to do it especially my son who’s only 21 months old. I want to spend as much time with him as I can. That’s my number one priority. Everything else, including writing, comes after.

EM: What advice would you offer to aspiring writers who are caught in the tendrils of everyday life?

JK: Don’t let life overwhelm you… just use some of that craziness for inspiration. Don’t be lazy. Don’t try to romanticize writing and wait for so-called inspiration. Please allow me to give you a real world example of what I mean. I was talking to this aspiring writer a few years ago. He was able to write full time because his girlfriend made a lot of money. Sounds like a great set-up, right? No, because he refused to make himself write everyday. He said he couldn’t push himself and that he needed to wait to be inspired. So what did he do instead? He played video games. That’s a fucking waste. I’d love to not be able to work a day job so I could write. But there it is, a guy like that waiting around for some fucking act of god to make him a good writer. And what is he doing now? Nothing. He’s no further into his writing “career” than he was two years ago. Anyway, getting past that rant, more advice: write whenever you can even if it’s just a fragment of a story. Read a lot and not only in the genre you want to write in. Look at the authors you like to read and find out WHY you like to read them. Then try to mimic some of it. And lastly, don’t just write to entertain yourself. You have to think of the reader, too. I don’t care how much fun you had writing it, if it bores the reader, they’re going to chuck it in the trash and then never buy a book from you again.

EM: What's up next for you? More squid?

JK: Ha, yeah. Squid-spaghetti tacos all around. But as for books...I got KING SCRATCH coming out from Black Rainbows Press. Also, a nonfiction book about movies coming from Bucket O’ Guts Press. And then TENTACLE DEATH TRIP will be published by Eraserhead Press this fall. This book will be fucking awesome. It’s Death Race 2000 meets the Cthulhu mythos … grindhouse style.

EM: I heard that you’re throwing a spaghetti dinner online? What? I’ve heard that this “Bizarro Spaghetti Dinner” is a festival all about you! Isn’t this just the foundation for a cult?

JK: Being a cult leader has always been my dream and what better way to lure people in than with spaghetti? Actually, it was inspired by author Kevin Shamel's similar promotion for his book Rotten Little Animals. Basically it's a day to get the word out on my novel “Fistful of Feet” and celebrate it's Spaghetti Western-ess.

EM: And this “event” is taking place on April 16th, right? What do you want from people on April 16th? Why?

JK: I'd like people to spread the word on “Fistful of Feet”. Tell your friends on Facebook, Twitter, My Space, etc. If you haven't bought the book, buy it April 16th so my Amazon ranking can go up. If it does, Amazon will see what a hot book it is and it'll take over. If it takes over, the rest of the bizarro authors will get exposure as well. If you already have Fistful of Feet, consider buying a copy for a friend or for your local library. I appreciate any and all help. I never forget a good deed. The reason why I'm doing this is to not only sell books (which will help pay bills...I'm not a rich man, you know) but also to spread bizarro. The success of one bizarro author can mean success for many others. Thanks to everyone in advance! And thank you for the interview, Eric!

EM: Thanks, Jordan!

Jordan Krall’s books are certainly worth a peek. You may look at one of them and see it priced at around $10, but I’ll tell you to pick them all up. Why? Well, as mentioned, Jordan writes in many different styles AND if you pick up all three you’ll get free shipping on all the books. And, really, what’s better than free?

Next week’s spotlight will shift, slightly, to the horror genre and Mr. David Agranoff. David’s the author of the upcoming horror novel “Hunting the Moon Tribe”. We’ll discuss the true nature of fear, examine Maoist ideals, and try to figure out why everyone is Kung fu fighting. Be back here for the interview on 4/22/2010.

Until then, pick up the books discussed here by using the links below:
“Fistful of Feet”:http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1933929898/ref=s9_simh_gw_p14_i3?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=1RX5JPPD6X629KH44CZJ&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=470938631&pf_rd_i=507846
“Squid Pulp Blues”: http://www.amazon.com/Squid-Pulp-Blues-Jordan-Krall/dp/1933929685/ref=pd_sim_b_1
”Piecemeal June”: http://www.amazon.com/Piecemeal-June-Jordan-Krall/dp/1933929634/ref=pd_sim_b_1
The KK Trilogy: http://www.amazon.com/Karate-Kid-Collection-Four-Film/dp/B0006OBPTA/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1271073631&sr=8-2
If you’re an author that would like to be a part of the Thursday Author Speaks Series, please email ericm@witty.com. To read “Naked Metamorphosis” by Eric Mays, purchase at Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Naked-Metamorphosis-Eric-Mays/dp/1933929901/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1271093268&sr=8-1

Jordan Krall: Author Spotlight

Despite the ridiculousness of this picture, it's a good representation of the level of dorkdom that Jordan Krall has achieved. This may come across as an insult, but it's certainly not at all. I've always said, if you're going to be a fanboy go all the way and avoid half-assing it. Jordan's definitely outdone himself.

In talking with Jordan Krall you get the sense that he loves looking at the world through twisted goggles. It's probably why he's jumped into the bizarro genre, and the genre has embraced him. But, what Jordan Krall likes are things that are not necessarily weird. Take for example Jordan's love of Elmore Leonard and gritty noir. Then examine his second book, a collection of novellas entitled "Squid Pulp Blues". SPB is a prime example of what Elmore Leonard (or even the great Raymond Chandler) would read like if it were shared by John Waters, David Lynch, and Dave Cronenberg. (I've taken to calling David Cronenberg "Dave". That's how we roll.)

Talking to him even further you'll uncover some other Jordan faves: Ginger Rogers, dark and visceral horror, post-apocalyptic movies, Italian giallo, Spaghetti westerns, and "space rape" (there's a story there, but I'll save it for another time). Examine his most recent book "Fistful of Feet" and you'll see that it is possible for a fanboy of the Spaghetti Western to twist that genre on its ear and create a very unique and original experience. Oh sure, the classic cliches are all there - the bad good guy with shady intentions, the whore with teh heart of gold, the roughneck Confederates, savage Indians, the works. But under that is an original tale that touches on such an array of subjects, you cannot compare it to anything you've ever experienced (exactly like SPB).

I guess I'm a Jordan Krall fanboy. Perhaps one day I'll write a Jordan Krall-inspired tale and twist it my own literary conventions. Who knows.

What I do know is this: Jordan should have more fans than he already does! I realize that people aren't reading as much as they once did. While this saddens me, it doesn't sadden me near as much as WHAT people are reading. Rather than looking for something truly original, I see people picking up the same tripe.

Most of you know that I'm always willing to recommend a good read. I try not to steer you the wrong way. I'm telling you, if you want something truly different, take a look at Jordan Krall's Squid Pulp Blues (for noir) or Fistful of Feet (for western). If you don't like either genre I'm sure you know someone who does and may like it. So, really, you've got no choice or reason not to.

On April 16th, 2010, we're honoring Jordan and trying to cultivate his garden of fans. For information you can visit his website at www.filmynoir.com or visit me at facebook for information. Basically, we're having a cyber-party to promote Jordan and generate some new kick-ass fans. If you're not familiar with Jordan, then perhaps you should swing over to amazon and pick up a copy of two of his book.

Fistful of Feet: http://www.amazon.com/Fistful-Feet-Jordan-Krall/dp/1933929898/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1270825828&sr=8-1

Squid Pulp Blues: http://www.amazon.com/Squid-Pulp-Blues-Jordan-Krall/dp/1933929685/ref=pd_sim_b_2

Order a copy and acquaint yourself this Jordan's unique voice. While you're there, be sure to remember that orders that are over $25 ship for free! So, a certain book by yours truly, "Naked Metamorphosis", can round your order out (it needs some love too!).

Please join me on April 16th and honor a fellow writer, creator, and friend. And, have fun yourself.

Thanks, and drive-thru,

E

**keep your eyes peeled on all the festivities happening in the month of May(s). Details will be coming soon.

Zombies Aplenty

I saw this article…and have to say, WOW! It’s the perfect source material for a blogsite called “ZomBicurious”, right? The top 10 best zombie films of all time. As ridiculous as it is for me to refer to myself as a zombie aficionado, that’s just one of the things I am. I can’t get enough of zombies – good, bad, and wretchedly horrible. It’s the perfect stuff for a good laugh. And, forget about Team Jacob or Team Edward. In the Zombie universe there’s Team Fast and Team Slow and I’m somewhere in the middle.

If you want to look at Stylus Magazine’s Top Ten List, do so here: http://www.stylusmagazine.com/articles/movie_review/stylus-magazines-top-10-zombie-films-of-all-time.htm

While I agree with many of the choices they made, I have to say the order is a little off, in my opinion. Here’s my top ten list for not only zombie movies, but also zombie books. You gotta have both!

Top Ten Zombie Movies of All Time:

1. The Night of the Living Dead: It’s really kind of difficult to argue with the film that started the whole zombie craze. Yes, there have been many other zombie films that preceded this one, but not on the same level. George Romero’s first film is not his best, but it kick-started a sub-sect of the horror genre that would be repeated over, and over, and over again!

2. Dawn of the Dead: This is Romero’s finest film. And it works on every single level. From the campy Tom Savini make-up to the over-stylized gore (anyone remember that blood pressure machine?), to the uber-depressing ending. Plus, there’s a hefty social commentary running throughout. (A side note: Zach Snyder’s remake of “Dawn of the Dead”, which is really more of a reimagining, is excellent, and sadly would have come on the list had the list run past ten)

3. Shaun of the Dead: If Romero is the one that ignited the zombie genre, then Edgar Wright, Nick Frost, and Simon Pegg ignited the zom-com. Yes, Dan O’Bannon did it years before with the Return of the Living Dead films, which I think are pure hilarity, but they were nothing more than a blip on the map. Yes, I’m a Dan O’Bannon fanboy, so it’s very hard for me to substitute Team-Shaun here, but they did it. They did the same thing Romero did – create a genre that would be copied for years to come.

4. Dead Alive: Peter Jackson’s movie was once dubbed the “goriest film of all time”. It’s gory, no doubt about it. It’s also good to see a classic Peter Jackson film. I love Peter, but I’m sad that he’s not doing fun stuff like this any longer. Still there’s a lot to like in a movie that features campy comedy, a zombie virus spread from a vicious rat, and zombie sex that results in zombie baby. I challenge you not to laugh during the taking the zombie baby to the park scene.

5. Fido: “Fido” was barely seen by anyone, but it created an alternate 1950’s that had suffered the perils of the “zombie war”, rather than the Cold War tensions and threats from the Korean war. It’s a clever piece, and a near flawless film, and yet it’s nothing more than a boy-and-his-dog story. Billy Connelly has no lines as the title zombie, and the cast is filled with recognizable character actors but no real stars. It’s an exceptional film. If you’re one of the many that has not seen it, by all means rent it!

6. 28 Days Later: I realize that this is testing everything that I should be against. For starters, these are not even zombies. They’re infected with rage, and they are sort of brainless and only motivated by human flesh, but are they really zombies? No. And, they’re not the shuffling stiffs that have been represented in the previous 5 films. This, though, is where the genre began to change a bit. We began seeing fast zombies rather than the norm. There is a certain sense of dread that accompanies the fast, Russian-gymnast-esque zombies. Still, I will toss it a bone and say it’s a pretty cool flick.

7. Evil Dead 2: I should have this higher on the list, as I’m a Bruce Campbell fanboy. I’m also a friend, so I really should have this higher. Evil Dead 2 has not only zombies and, well, evil dead. It’s got a zombie deer head mounted on the wall. It’s also got one of the baddest ass zombie killers around – Ash, housewares. I’m still waiting to see if Ash can kick the ass of any other classic movie monsters.

8. Zombieland: This film kicked the zom-com into overdrive! Woody Harrelson is classic Woody. And the expectations should be kept relatively low. Why is it on the list, though? Well, the center of the humor of this film is in the repeating of the rules of a zombie movie. Everyone that’s seen a zombie flick knows the rules by heart already. But, this film makes a joke out of them and it works. There are countless rules. Having Bill Murray is great as well. There’s just so much to love about this film. It’s pretends to be nothing than what it is.

9. Zombi: This was made as a follow-up to Dawn Of the Dead. And it’s on the list for two reasons: 1.) Zombie versus Shark! And 2.) Conquistador zombies rising from the Earth!

10. Night of the Creeps: Fred Dekker was the man of the 80’s. Night of the Creeps and the great Tom Atkins made this horror-comedy work. Slugs get into your skin and turn you into flesh eating zombies. It’s great fun and, according to Troma alum, James Gunn, it inspired “Slither”. Finally this is released on Blu Ray, and the transfer is pretty gorgeous in all its 80’s gore.

5 Zombie Books You Must Read, if you like zombies, that is:

1. World War Z: Max Brooks mimicks Studs Terkel to great success here. It’s a book of accounts from the great Zombie War, and it’s excellent. Vivid detail from the recounts of the beginning in China to the United States Homefront. If you can listen to the audio book, you’ll be exceptionally impressed – Carl Reiner, Rob Reiner, Mark Hamill, Alan Aldo, Jurgen Prochnow, Henry Rollins, and others perform.

2. Breathers: Just finished this, and this is a thought-provoking look at the life of a zombie. It suffers from the same syndrome Shaun of the Dead does, in that it takes you on a hilarious journey, then reaches a weird plateau and is not sure where to go. Still, the end product is worth it.

3. Cell: Stephen King’s visceral look at the world turned to zombies courtesy of a signal pulsed through cellular phones is fast paced (very short for King) and visceral. Many argue that it’s not a King novel. I argue the opposite. In fact, after being disappointed by King, this was a nice return to some of his earlier horror fiction. I loved it.

4. Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince: The dementors marked a dark turn for the fantasy series. However, this book introduced us to the Inferi, which are the undead. I was tripping when I got to them. Zombies in a Harry Potter book? Awesome. This, too, marked a dark turn in the series, and I was elated to see them appear again in the final book of the series. Who knew Harry Potter and zombies went together?

5. The Rising: The book that really put Brian Keene on the map. It’s not well written. There are typos aplenty. Yet, the action is raw and in your face. The situations are horrifying. The dialogue is believable. And the zombies offer a new twist. It’s pretty awesome. If you like it you can always check out two others in that universe: City of the Dead and Dead Sea.

Stories in the Sex Dungeon

Patrick Wensink has got a story to tell you. He actually has several stories to tell you...and I advise you to pay attention. Sex Dungeon for Sale may sound shocking, but it's a great representation of how diverse bizarro can be, and why the genre is so appealing. Sure, we love the weird strangeness. But, when you can do bizarro, shedding some of the pulp and shock, you get a decent read, too. That's what bizarro is. It's a collective of unique ideas that are outside the realm. (Twilight Zone is bizarro on the family friendly scale, where as Perversions of Science was a little more mature)
Here's the deal. If you like humor, dark humor, and savvy wit, pick up a copy of this book. Reading it, several of the tales, particularly "Clean Bill of Health", reminded me of something O. Henry might scribe. Other stories - Wash, Rinse and Repeat and Jesus Toast - remind me of Palahniuk. I'm not saying Wensink mimicked their style...I'm just sayin', they're quality reads.
I'm not typically a fan of anthologies (kind of like I'm not a fan of anthropomorphism...it's nice to see me pleasantly surprised), but I really liked this one.
I blew Coke (not coke) out of my nose reading "Sex Dungeon for Sale"...and will never be able to think rumpus room without giggling like a middle schooler. I feel comfortable now that I've been schooled on kidnapping. And, I'm relieved that Rico Suave himself, the irreplaceable Gerardo, is here. My two personal favorites, though (and I have a dark sense of humor), are Clean Bill of Health and The Many Lives of James Brown's Capes. I'm happy to know how much "sex machine" fetched.
Sex Dungeon for Sale is a quality collection. Most are quick reads that you can grapple in one brief sitting. So, if nothing else, get a copy, keep it in the bathroom, and chuckle your ass off!
Check out Patrick's book at amazon.com and help us authors out. We write stories for you!

Rotten Little Book

I've had the distinct pleasure of befriending Kevin Shamel over the past month. He's a groovy author breaking into the bizarro scene with his entry in the NBAS (as am I, though Kevin's been bizarroing it up a whole lot longer). His entry is Rotten Little Animals, which is...distubingly funny.
Let me first say this: this book has a lot of poop in it. No, not the bad kind of poop (like it sucks), I'm talking actual poo. Excrement, feces, ca-ca, shit. But then again, we're talking about a book filled with animals and if you've ever owned one, you know they poop a lot. So, now that that's out of the way...
Rotten Little Animals is a book about animals, but we ain't talkin' 'bout Charlotte's Web. This is not even Beatrix Potter style animals. Rotten Little Animals is what you'd get if Quentin Tarantino had a love child with Beatrix Potter. It's like merging South Park and Sesame Street.
So, animals live and breathe in our world, but are capable of things we can't even fathom. They speak, for starters, and they drink, cuss, enjoy human pornography, and are capable of working movie cameras. Their biggest goal, though, is to make humans feel like they are superior because they have thumbs, so they do their activities in secret (like the Animal Academy Awards).
Meet Itsy, Stinkin' Rat, Julio, Filthy Pig, and Dirty Bird, as well as the numerous zombie-cats and camera crew chickens. They're out to make the perfect Animal movie. Unfortunately, their plans are thwarted when they're spotted by the boy across the street, Cage. Cage is kidnapped, tortured, and videotaped for an entirely new project.
Later he offers, he used to like animals.
The anthropomorphic thing, I was a little skeptical, but soon after the first act, the story kicks into gear following Cage - through trauma, murder, psychological rehab, fame, and a brief fling with Paris Hilton. I don't want to give too much away, so I'll stop there and hope that I've whetted your appetite.
One thing, the book moves quick. I read it in a sitting and plan to revisit it. I realize as you're zipping through the thing, you tend to miss something. There are few books that I would revisit - more that I always intend to and never do - but Shamel's book is one I'll definitely recommend, gift, and revisit for years to come.
Help us authors out...visit amazon.com and pick yours up.