The Best Films of the Year!

Most of you know that I'm a cinephile! I love my movies as much as I love my books. I savor each one and go out to coffee for further conversation about what I just read/saw. So, each year I like to let you guys know what's important to me. How the movies out now, or the ones that already are making their way onto DVD, rank up. Here are my top ten (from lowest to highest) for the year:

10. "Away We Go!" - This Sam Mendes film was away from his normal fare. And it featured two talented comedians - John Krasinski and Maya Rudolph - and a phenomenal supporting cast. I really loved this film. The comedy is dry (which I prefer), smart (a plus), and very, very witty. It's on DVD now, and I highly suggest a rental. It's not quite a romantic comedy, but a dramedy nonetheless.

9. "Zombieland" - It's rare that I put comedies on the top ten list, but here's the second one. Zombieland works 'cause it didn't pretend what it was. It was a zom-com, and a worthy, good one at that. Maybe not the best composed filmed...but good enough that I watched it four times at the theatre. The things that almost put this in arthouse world are the opening credits which are phenomenal (and opening credits are a dying art) and the sheer appearance of Bill Murray. It'll be out in January on DVD. Own it.

8. "Up" - I'm a fan of Pixar. They've yet to crank out a crapper. And, "Up", while not my favorite Pixar film (that honor goes to "Monsters Inc"), emphasizes an emotional accord that I've not seen from a Pixar movie. If for no other reason than the opening sequence (no words, just montages), this movie deserves all the praise it gets.

7. "Inglorious Basterds" - one of my least favorite Quentin films but best done Quentin films. Are you lost? I'm not sure I can re-watch IB several times over (I've seen it twice) like I can "Pulp Fiction", but damn if Tarantino's skills aren't honed on this one. The writing is excellent, the acting is grand (Christoph Waltz), and the fun fairytale story works.

6. "(500) Days of Summer" - Joseph Gordan Levitt has become quite the phenomenal actor...and what a good year what with "GI Joe", "Killshot", and this independent flick. (500) is an excellent film. It's not a romantic comedy, as it's made out to be, but an interesting social commentary flick. It's absolutely wonderful. Some of the visuals, combined with a dynamite script work strong for this film. If it won best picture, I'd not be upset at all.

5. "The Princess and the Frog" - Ah, Disney's return to 2-d animation! I was elated. Granted, there's still the computer elements that I despise (I'm a handdrawn sort of guy). Still, the animation is beautiful, the songs are vintage Disney, and the story...ah, i love the new twists that the story offers on the Princess legend (that you have to work for your princess-dom). If you've not seen it...don't wait. See it now.

4.) "Moon" - the best picture of the summer and the best picture that Sam Rockwell's been in. Sam Rockwell is one of my faves. This flick is a one-man show, and it plays like a vintage Twilight Zone episode. Directed by David Bowie's son (Duncan Jones in his directorial debut), this is one of the best pictures of the year...hands down. Seriously.

3.) "The Hurt Locker" - Seriously, the film to beat at this year's Oscars. It's one of the tensest movies I've sat through (I peeled off two fingernails during it). Jeremy Renner is amazing. His performance has stuck with me through the year. Also, the bomb scenes have kept reverberating through my head. Ah, this may be one of the perfect films of the year.

2.) "The Road" - Another perfect film. It's as bleak as the book. It's as depressing, if not moreso, as the book. It's not the "feel-good" film of the year. It is, however, beautifully acted, beautifully shot, and that kid...Kodi whathisname is remarkable! Viggo is too. I came out of the flick exclaiming "glorious", "glorious". I want this to win best picture...but it won't because...

1.) "District 9" should! It's the best film hands down! I love it. The writing, the style, the cinematography, the acting. Fuck! It's the best pic of the year.

Gifts for the reader in your life.

I hear the bells and I see the attitudes, so it must mean the holiday beast is upon us, snarling and oozing cinnamon and angst pheromones. I’m not particularly fond of the holidays – no surprise, I’m sure. Basically, I think the holiday (whether you’re celebrating Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, or Christmas, or Solstice, or Weasel Stomping Season) has been bastardized beyond repair. The emphasis on gift-giving has trumped anything else out there. Parents are considered not worthy if they don’t throw out a $300 gaming system…
…okay, I’m breathing deep. In. Out. In. Out. Ah! Better.
This is not a rant about the holidays, I assure you. I love to give books. In fact, what better gift is there than a book? By giving a book, you’re giving an overall experience on every level. The immersive qualities, the mental odyssey that you’ve just handed over…what better gift is there than that? C’mon!
I’m a book hound. I tend to read just about everything and anything and rarely will stop a book mid-read. These are my particular favorite books this year. They’re in no order, but they’re accompanied by a link to amazon. Enjoy.

“Peter and Max: A Fables Novel” by Bill Willingham. I’m not familiar with the comic books that this is based on. I’m impressed that a comic book publisher, like Vertigo, is printing a full 400-page novel, though. That’s a step up. This book reminded me of that the Jasper Fforde novels wanted to be. I was excited to pick up Fforde’s books, but just could never get into them at all. The premise of this book is that the fairytale creatures and characters have to seek shelter in our world as their enchanted lands are destroyed and conquered. All the characters are here, but interestingly enough the main character is Peter Piper (of pickled peppers fame) and his brother Max. I had no trouble following the action (not having read the comics) but loved every sentence. Worth a check out. http://www.amazon.com/Peter-Max-Fables-Bill-Willingham/dp/1401215734/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpi_1

“Unseen Academicals” by Terry Pratchett. If you’ve never cracked open a Discworld novel you should. Personally I can’t get enough of them and I’m torn up that Pratchett has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. The Terry Pratchett books are an acquired taste, granted. I never discovered them until adulthood, but I’d imagine the young reader in your family would find them amusing. Plus, I always seem a little smarter after completing a Pratchett book. “Unseen Academicals” raises its attention to sports and sports fanfare. It’s a wizards novel (those fans of the series will understand what I mean…there are wizard novels, witch novels, Watch novels, etc). Personally, I’d say that any child who’s bemoaning the end of the Harry Potter series, give’em a copy of Pratchett’s books and let them experience something a little better written. http://www.amazon.com/Unseen-Academicals-Discworld-Terry-Pratchett/dp/0061161705/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1260203826&sr=1-3

“Fistful of Feet” by Jordan Krall. Once again, Krall is not for everyone, but those his work is for…well, this is a treat. I’m a huge fan of westerns, and love the everything in the 60’s and 70’s (Sergio Leone, “Django”, all of them). This reads like a love story to the spaghetti western. Actually, it reads like an homage to Italian cinema. You’ve got the touches of Leone, of course, but there’s evidence of Fulci and Argento there, too. Fascinating. All in all, Fistful of Feet is a great read. It’s the way a western should be – brutal, action-packed, and bloody. All the regulars are here: the brothel girls and their Johns, escaped POWs out of Andersonville looking for Confederate gold, a mysterious “bad” good guy, a frilly card cheat, the corrupt mayor, and ass juice. A good read. http://www.amazon.com/Fistful-Feet-Jordan-Krall/dp/1933929898/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1260204346&sr=1-1

The New Bizarro Author Series by David Barbee, Kevin Shamel, Eric Mays and Patrick Wensink. So there are 4 books that came out in a collection: “Rotten Little Animals”, “Carnageland”, “Naked Metamorphosis”, and “Sex Dungeon for Sale”. I’m obviously biased since my name is in the mix, but it’s no mistake. This is a great gift for the reader in your house. They look great as a collection, they’re inexpensive, and (the best part) they’re good. Anyone who has stuck their nose out at bizarre should acquaint themselves with this set. This displays how diverse the budding genre is and can be. Rotten Little Animals is at times frightening and hilarious. Carnageland reads like a video game, which is the first time I’ve ever really experienced that before. Sex Dungeon is an anthology with some interesting ideas. And Naked Metamorphosis…well…you know. http://www.amazon.com/Naked-Metamorphosis-Eric-Mays/dp/1933929901/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1260204778&sr=1-1

“The Repossession Mambo” by Eric Garcia. I’m a huge fan of Eric Garcia. I loved his “Rex” series. I loved “Matchstick Men”. I even adored “Cassandra French’s finishing School…” But over the last five years I’ve been asking myself where the hell did he go? He seemingly dropped off the face of the planet and stopped putting out books. Well, here’s his newest one. On the surface it seems like a rip-off of “Repo! The Genetic Opera”. Yeah, I buy that. I love that movie and love this book. Having experienced both, I have to say they’re not identical. If I’ve not convinced you yet, then take a look at the book’s opening sentence: “The first time I ever held a pancreas in my hands, I got an erection.” http://www.amazon.com/Repossession-Mambo-Eric-Garcia/dp/0061802832/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1260204420&sr=1-1#noop

“Jailbait Zombie” by Mario Acevedo. Mario Acevedo wrote a book a few years back called “The Nymphos of Rocky Flats”. I loved the title but the concept (vampire P.I.) was weak. I never touched it. Then a sequel came out “X-Rated Bloodsuckers”, then another “The Undead Kama Sutra”. Okay, now I’m intrigued by each and every title, and I finally caved. I bought them all and plowed into them. The Felix Gomez story is cliché, no doubt about it. However, the characters are vivid, the noir quality of the stories is spot-on, and Acevedo’s writing is crisp. As much as I love zombies, there was no way I couldn’t pick up “Jailbait Zombie” and was not disappointed. There’s an interesting part about a zombie hurting a vampire because of the silver fillings he had in life. I thought that was interesting. http://www.amazon.com/Jailbait-Zombie-Adventures-Felix-Gomez/dp/0061567175/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1260205097&sr=1-4

“Shatnerquake” by Jeff Burk. The concept alone is worth the price of admission. But, make no mistake…this is not parody at it’s lightest. This is, on many levels, what “Being John Malkovich” would have been if John had been replaced with Shatner. This is perfect for those fans of Bruce Campbell and the Trekkie in your life. My only complaint: it’s too short. http://www.amazon.com/Shatnerquake-Jeff-Burk/dp/1933929820/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1260205301&sr=1-1

“Cloris: my Autobiography” by Cloris Leachman. What’s not to love about Cloris Leachman? She’s a great actress who leaves me in stitches every time. I also think she’s beautiful. But that strange fetish aside, I loved her autobiography. Not being a big fan of television in general, I was more excited about reading her accounts on set with Mel Brooks or on Broadway. The Mary Tyler Moore bits, though, are good. It’s a little dry in areas, but still worth the read. http://www.amazon.com/Cloris-My-Autobiography-Leachman/dp/0758229631/ref=tag_dpp_lp_edpp_img_in

“Bonk” by Mary Roach. I feel like I’m beginning to sound like a broken record. I love Mary Roach. Ever since I discovered “Stiff” I’ve been hooked. “Spook” was an excellent read, too, and was one of my favorites when it came out. Now, here comes “Bonk”. Bonk is a glance at our favorite subject – SEX. Sex sells and Mary has a blast with the topics: what is an orgasm?; artificially inseminating sows, the complexities of a female orgasm, and scientifically scrutinized coitus. The title and the subject matter should have you convinced already. http://www.amazon.com/Bonk-Curious-Coupling-Science-Sex/dp/0393334791/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1260205882&sr=1-3

“Raising Demons for Fun and Profit” by Mark McLaughlin. Anyone who has ever read Mark McLaughlin knows that the man is pretty much going to have you laugh your ass off. He’s a great weightloss drug that way. “Raising Demons” is my personal favorite McLaughlin yet. Do not hesitate, pick this up…now. http://www.horror-mall.com/RAISING-DEMONS-FOR-FUN-AND-PROFIT-by-Mark-McLaughlin-trade-softcover-p-19891.html

I have a love hate relationship with Steve King. I remember first cracking his stuff when I was twelve (because I wanted "grown-up" books, rather than kiddie fare) and being thoroughly impressed and scared. I've revisited some of those in adulthood and, like so many things, have realized that things change as you grow. I caught references that I certainly would have never caught before, I found myself not as fearful, and the reading went by a lot quicker. King put out some quality books and really molded the contemporary horror genre.
Then something changed. I'm not sure what it was...but something felt different. The books King was putting out weren't the books by my beloved author. Yes, I read them, but there was something...wrong. I'm a huge Dark Tower fan and I found myself reading King's books (the ones I loathed) just for the hidden Easter Eggs into the Dark Tower world.
That's a horrible way to start a review. I just wanted it to be clear that I've been not grooving on King's work for the past few years, nay decade. So enter "Under the Dome".
I was instantly captured by the story when King leaked the description onto his website. I got onboard with it. Then the preorder battle began and I felt I'd gotten the deal of a lifetime when I snagged the $35 book for $9. Suck it Barnes and Noble! Then I realized that this mama jama was near 1100 pages in length! Are you fuckin' kidding me?
I read it (not in one sitting) and will say this: It's good. It's not great, it's not bad. It's certainly a redeeming piece if, like me, you've found your interest in Stephen King wane.
I'll address this head-on first: This is not the Simpsons Movie. I've heard people cross referencing the Simpsons movie, etc, since this came out. Even I, while in the first 250 pages was bemoaning the parallels - the polluted lakes and streams, the obvious dome, and a very similar Simpsons-like parishoner. Hmmmmmm...
Having finished it it's nothing more than coincidence. Truly. No doubt the argument will rumble on for the end of King's life, but that's just people who haven't read the book. Read it and you'll see that this was probably conceptualized years before, as King has said time and time again.
What's Good?

• The main characters are great and solid. King's characters of late have lacked something. I'm not sure what. But this epic tale of good pitted against evil has to have some power players. You get that in Dale Barbie and Big Jim Rennie. While some of the things that come out of their mouth are ludicrous, you have one really scary mofo in Big Jim Rennie and one humble "cowboy" in Barbie.
• The political tension. It's apparent that King was putting the finishing touches (or actually writing it) during the McCain-Obama presidential election. I saw sides of people during that year that displayed the ugliest of human nature - on both sides of the political fence. People declared people homos, racists, sexists, unitelligent and all of this completely unwarranted. Now imagine being caught in that hell day in and day out? That's what you've got. And King displays that very, very well. Better now than he ever has.
• Truly visceral scenes. I have no problem with violence and bloody gore. I'm no prude. However, there are scenes in this book (a rape scene and the aftermath come to mind) that had be ungodly uncomfortable. It was as if Brian Keene had stepped in for a moment and tackled the brutality and gore on King's behalf. There are numerous scenes of true human horror that had be not wanting to go on. I think that's a testament to the writing.

What's not so good? Sadly, this list is a bit longer.

• The dialogue. Most of it's solid enough, but then you've got these scenes that feel out of place because of the cheesy dialogue. When it's bad it's abyssmal. We're talking SyFy original movie bad. If the book had been going that direction that would be cool ( I love B-movies and SyFy). Trouble is, this book isn't going that direction and that's a problem.
• Too many plotlines. I know this sounds nitpicky - look at The Stand, for chrissakes - but this was a problem in this particular book. It reads quick enough, but it's got so many unnecessary scenes and characters that I rolled my eyes. As reading I kept plunging ahead 'cause I knew that some of those little things would come back in the end. They never did, and I felt I'd been jipped. Interestingly enough, some of those unnecessary scenes are some of the best written ones.
• The payoff. This was the biggest disappointment to me! In a novel like this you've got to have a solid payoff. We want to know what the Dome is and where the hell it came from. I'm not going to spoil it here for you. What I will say is this: the payoff happens and passes like a quick little joke. I wanted to see that fleshed out. After all, we've got a story about A DOME, and we want to know what the point of it all is. Rather, it took something grizzly and "Lord of the Flies"-esque and cheapens it into a bad "Twilight Zone" episode.

All in all, I give it 3.5 stars. It's not a bad read by any means. It's good. If you're a King fan you'll love it. If you're not a King fan, you'll probably not love it so much, as it does read like oldschool King moreso than the King of late. (King fans, you'll get a few Easter Eggs here and there)

Until we meet again...happy reading.

Recession-Proof Holiday Gifts Just For YOU!

Merry Christmas! Happy Solstice! Happy Hannukah! Krazy Kwanza!
Whatever it is you celebrate one thing is certain: this holiday's gift giving is going to be tight. You are absolutely correct. So how do you appease your economical stance and still get something groovy and nifty to give. Well here's how:
From your friendly author, Eric Mays, I'm doing a holiday gift thing. If you haven't read "Naked Metamorphosis" then pick up a copy for yourself and/or someone you love. If you've read it, then you know it's good. Give it as a gift. Or, if you hated it, give it to somebody you hate and the joke's on them! Either way, you win.
In the words of the late Billy Mays (no relation), "But wait, there's more!"
This is the gift that gives back. When you purchase a copy of Naked Metamorphosis on Amazon, email me and let me know (ericm@witty.com). When you do that I will write a story just for you. It'll be a Shakespearean short story using you as the character. Don't want that? Send me another person and I'll do the same. The story will employ Shakespearean devices, your characters lineage, and your method of demise. Oh yeah! Suck on that English 101 teacher!!
I'll mail this to you - snail mail, not email - and you'll have a hard copy story you can always cherish.
So, to repeat:
1.) Naked Metamorphosis makes a great gift!
2.) You get a freebie gift personalized for you!
3.) You'll get a warm fuzzy feeling in the cockles of your heart knowing that you're supporting an independent artisan...me!

Act now! This offer is only good until December 18th.

Go, go, go...